Domestic violence is a crime, a major public health issue, and something that should be talked about more. One in four women and one in seven men experience abuse, but most of it goes unreported. Why? Because most victims feel like society will judge them.
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain control over another partner in a relationship. These behaviors can include physical harm, stalking, arousing fear, controlling a partner’s actions, or forcing a partner to behave in certain ways.
Many abusive partners seem perfect during the first stages of the relationship, but their possessive behaviors begin to emerge as the relationship grows. Some signs of an abusive partner to be aware of according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline are someone who:
1. tells you that you can never do anything right
2. is extremely jealous when you are away or with friends
3. discourages you from seeing friends or family
4. insults or shames you
5. controls the finances of the household
6. controls who you see, where you go, or what you do
7. prevents you from making your own decisions
8. intimidates you with weapons
9. prevents you from working or going to school
10. threatens you
11. pressures you to have sex
Many times, an abusive partner will apologize after abusing their partner, but it does not make the abuse okay. The victim may also feel vulnerable and not want to leave because he/she remembers the good in their partner, but it is important to know that the abuse outweighs the good. No one deserves to be abused.
Victims are often ashamed that they have chosen an abusive relationship, but no one chooses to be abused. However, this shame causes many victims to hide their suffering because they do not want to share details or relive some of the worst moments of their lives. Many victims also stay in abusive relationships because they are afraid of how they will be treated once others learn about their abuse.
A lot of times, when a victim comes forward and takes the steps they need to in order to get out of an abusive relationship and report it, they find themselves being treated abnormally positively as if no one wants to upset them even a little. Other times, people doubt the confession of abuse. There have been so many cases where someone comes forward about being abused and people do not believe them. This only discourages others from coming forward.
According to the CDC, there are 4 major ways to prevent and intervene in domestic violence. The first is to promote healthy family relationships. The second is to provide coordinated services to domestic violence victims. The third is to enforce laws that hold perpetrators responsible. The fourth is to conduct research to monitor domestic violence trends and evaluate the effectiveness of prevention efforts.
More social prevention methods would be to engage people and teach people to be allies in prevention. Most people assume that these methods should be directed towards men and boys, and although they are more often the perpetrators, women can also be perpetrators. Therefore, everyone should be taught to be an ally. There should also be more bystander education to teach people to help in abusive situations.
Communities need to raise awareness of domestic violence to reduce the stigma that causes victims to hide. Society should encourage reporting and empower victims to break the cycle of abuse. Let’s stop acting like domestic violence does not exist or saying it’s the victims fault. Let’s talk about it and create a safe environment for victims.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or reach out to family and friends to ask for help. For more information on domestic violence resources at UMass click here: https://www.umass.edu/umpd/domestic-violence-resources.
Take the step to get out of an abusive relationship; it can be scary, but leaving is worth it and every person deserves an abuse free life. No one should suffer in silence.
References
National Domestic Violence Hotline - https://www.thehotline.org/
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